What's that sound? Is there a fox in the hen coop? Has a seagull got caught in a combine harvester? No it's leggy Russian Maria Scream-It-Over! Arrrgggggghhhhhh!
It's just impossible to watch the woman without the sound down, not least because her incessant groans have been misinterpreted by me neighbour.
"What were you watching while the missus was out?" he said to me on Saturday, winking away like a pervy nutcase. "I heard it!" he added, with a nudge.
Do read the article in full if you like the snippet.